It's a burn that never goes away, a cut that never heals and a break that is never really put back together.
The butter knife is dull but it still cuts through.
Breakups weren't supposed to be this way. The aftermath of the end should be filled with going out, meeting new people and talking to your friends about how much you hated that person…right?
I couldn't do any of that because the truth was, I loved Jasper so much even after he said goodbye to me. It probably didn't help that the day of the breakup, he kissed me saying he hoped that someday, we would find each other again.
"It is bad timing", he whispered. "This past year has been amazing Alice, but I don't think I am ready for us yet."
Three weeks before, if you would have told me I would have broken up with Jasper, I would have given you a look and walked away. Two weeks before, we were talking promise rings, moving in together and our future. All of these things we had talked about throughout the past year; including how we knew we would be together forever. But we know that's not how our story goes.
It had been his idea to get the promise rings. He said he wanted everyone to know that I was his and he was mine. He liked the idea of it and we agreed it would be our Christmas presents. I smiled at the idea and was ecstatic sitting at the jewelers getting our fingers measured.
I had picked his out with ease, I mean he was a guy, he didn't have too much criteria. He however, studied the rings with care and patience. When he had finally picked it out, I smiled at him; the ring was gorgeous. Three small diamonds surrounded by a silver band. It was perfect and so was he.
We went home that night and lying in each others arms he whispered lovingly into my ear, "Alice I love you."
I smiled, we had been saying that for months now, and still it drew a smile to my lips. "Forever."
His hand tangled into my hair, "Times infinity." He said, his voice so delicately soft.
"Plus two." I responded.
It was our tradition and honestly we couldn't have gotten much dorkier. But the look on his face when he said it melted my heart and no one mattered anymore. Jasper was the one and I was sure of it and watching him walk out of my house, killed me.
So here I was, three weeks later and sitting in my dark, unlit basement watching reruns of Sex and the City. It was November so it was kind of chilly and I was surrounded with a million or so blankets, trying to find some sort of comfort in my life.
We had to go to the jewelers two weeks ago to cancel our ring orders together. Of course I made sure that I looked decent when I saw him. My hair was done, and my makeup was flawless.
He had picked our meeting point as the front of the jewelers and when I got there, I found him leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets, and his head slumped.
"Hey." I said as I approached him.
He lifted his head and I noticed that his circles under his eyes matched my own. I was glad.
"Alice. How are you?" He asked me slowly coming towards me. He stopped with a great deal of space in between us.
I shrugged, "I'm doing alright."
He nodded, this was awkward and all I wanted to do was to get this over with.
"You don't have to worry about saying anything, I will uh, take care of this." He said.
Jasper's eyes were wild. They would meet mine and then look away quickly. As if he didn't dare look at me.
I nodded and followed him in, grimacing at the all too friendly woman who approached us as we walked in.
I watched as her face slightly fell when Jasper explained why we were here.
Shaking my head for the millionth time that day trying to erase that memory, I picked up my phone. I hated thinking back to that day and I knew sitting here alone wouldn't help at all. So I called Rosalie, knowing she was the only person in my life that could move me from this spot.
"Rose, it's Alice, let's do something." I said into the phone not giving her time to even say hello.
She laughed, "Say no more, I am on my way."
I knew I had just enough time to get into the shower and get ready. Knowing Rosalie, we would be going out somewhere crazy and I had to practically make myself put something nice on.
Standing there in front of the mirror, I was looking at someone that I barely even recognized. She was broken, sad and her eyes were red and puffy. I sighed; I didn't want to be this girl anymore. I picked up my makeup brush, something that I hadn't done since before the breakup and applied my favorite shadow on my eye lids. With every stroke I started to feel myself molding back to who I wanted to be. But it wasn't really me anymore. Jasper had so much of me and I knew that, almost accepting it. Tonight was all about becoming the new Alice.
Not a minute after I had dressed, I heard a knock at the door. Grabbing my purse and getting another glimpse in the mirror, I sprinted to the front door, bursting out into the cold air.
I sent a text to my mom letting her know I was going to be out for the night knowing she wouldn't really care much, and followed Rose to her car.
When we reached the car, Rose unlocked her shiny red jeep and I got in, saying hi to Bella who was seated in the back.
"Well I am glad to know that you are still alive, I was getting worried!" Rose said pulling out of my driveway.
I groaned, "I know, I have been a shitty friend. But that is all over with, I swear. I want to have fun tonight!" I said feeling something close to excitement enter my stomach.
"We are going to get fucked up tonight, I hope you know." She said turning her heard towards me, raising her eyebrow.
No more 'good girl' Alice. I was not that girl who had been dating Jasper for the past year. I was Alice, the girl who didn't give a damn.
Pulling into the bar Rose had picked I stepped out running a hand through my newly cut short hair. I pulled my cell phone out of my purse and checked it, mostly out of habit for any messages. Before I could turn it off, Rosalie snatched it out of my hand.
"Believe me babe; you will not need that tonight. No Jasper talk and certainly no breakup talk."
I looked over at Bella and she shrugged, giving me a reassuring smile. Bella was that girl at school that every guy wanted to have. She was plain but gorgeous. She also happened to be taken by the guy who even made me swoon; Edward Cullen.
"Ok, let's go!" I said leading us to the man standing at the door checking our id's. I pulled mine out and grimaced as he grabbed my hand, marking a giant "X" across my hand.
When we go inside I looked around, my ears screaming at the adjustment to the noises I was hearing. The music was at a beat so intense I could feel it pulsating through my skin. Rosalie grabbed my hand and Bella disappeared. I looked over my shoulder noticing that Edward was standing at the bar with his friends.
She led me into the bathroom and set her purse down on the edge of the sink. "Ok, we are going to scrub this "X" off of your hand. If we want to have any fun tonight, we are going to need to get these off of us. "
Before I knew it, we were out of the bathroom and on the dance floor. Rosalie had her back turned to me and I was shocked at myself that I was dancing without any alcohol in me.
That didn't last long.
We met Bella and Edward at the bar and Rosalie ordered our first round of shots. I was shocked at how easily shots were handed to us. Hell, we were only a year away from being able to do this but still.
One shot turned into two and two shots turned into six. And before I knew it, I was slurring my words and basically dry humping a guy named Emmett on the dance floor.
I could feel his hands snake down from my hair straight to my ass. Jasper's face flashed before my eyes, but I shook my head, pressing myself deeper into Emmett trying to erase the image. I lifted my head so that my lips were inches away from his. I had to admit, he was pretty sexy, his blue eyes piercing mine.
He pulled me closer, if that were even possible and he leaned down, kissing me.
My head was spinning from the alcohol, or the kiss…I couldn't tell. The lips that moved against mine were different. They weren't soft and comforting. They were rough, expectant and wanting. It was nothing like Jasper.
Not knowing what I was doing, I let my hands roam his body, feeling his abs through his shirt. Jasper had been fit, but it wasn't to the point where his muscles were bulging through his shirt. I know that this was wrong but it felt so right and I continued for God knows how long touching, kissing and feeling. He felt so foreign, compared to what I was used to.
Finally he brought his lips to my ear and whispered, "Want to get out of here? I live with Edward we can just crash there."
This wasn't me; I would never in a million years go home with someone I had just met. But he knew Edward which meant he probably knew Bella. "Okay." I said, dragging the word out longer than it needed.
As we passed the bar, I saw a full shot on the side of the table and without thinking; I picked it up and downed it in seconds.
I remembered getting into a car, and I remembered getting out of a car but after that my mind went blank.
x.x.x
My head was throbbing and my mouth was dry. I felt like a truck had hit me dead on and as I started to open my eyes the light burned them. Shutting them quickly I groaned."What the fuck?" I asked out loud.
Not expecting a voice to answer me I jumped when I heard someone reply. "Well good morning beautiful."
My eyes sure as hell opened then. I looked around frantically, pulling the bed sheet closer around me, the images around me not making sense. The room was not mine, the walls here were too blue and the floor was covered in messes. And worst of all, I was naked.
I looked over at the person who was in the bed with me and my hand slapped my forehead. He was definitely not wearing anything.
"What happened last night?" I asked shoving a pillow over his very large dick, already not wanting to know the answer.
He told me that we had indeed had sex, and my heart sank at those words. I felt like I had betrayed Jasper and sitting here with my head spinning I realized I had probably the worst hangover ever; I couldn't help but start to cry.
"Hey now, it's going to be ok." Emmett said pulling me into him. It wasn't about getting any, but it was about him actually giving a damn about me. I let myself sink into him and just let go. What did I have to lose?
He let me cry in his arms for awhile and finally, I felt like I could stop. "I am so sorry." I said to him sitting up, sheets still wrapped tightly around me.
He wiped my eyes, "It's alright Alice, and you don't have to apologize about crying."
I smiled, if I wasn't sitting here feeling so fucking guilty about having sex with the guy, I might have actually had fun this morning.
After awhile of sitting there awkwardly, he left to take a shower. I decided that I should get out of there before things got even weirder. I searched the room frantically and to my dismay, I found everything except my shirt.
"Fuck!" I said out loud, all I wanted was to get out of there and try and forget this ever happened. What if Jasper found out about this? What would he think of me? I shook my head not wanting to feel the inevitable pain it would bring him.
I settled on a shirt from his dresser and slipped it on practically running from his room.
I entered what seemed like the kitchen and welcomed the scent of coffee. Noticing a cup on the counter, I took it filling it up and not hesitating to take a sip. I was about to write Emmett a note explaining I was leaving when I heard someone come up behind me.
"Alice?"
I turned around abruptly and my eyes met Bella's.
My hand went nervously to my hair wondering how horrible I must look. Bella was standing in front of a room whose door was shut.
"Bella, uh, I was just leaving." I said sitting down the coffee cup when I realized I hadn't driven here and all of my things were in Rose's car. "Damnit!" I said cursing at my drunken stupidity of not remembering to grab it leaving the bar last night.
Bella smiled, "Hey its ok. I was just getting ready to leave myself, want me to drive you home?" She asked slipping her purse across her body.
I nodded and followed her out of the house. We got to the car and she turned on the radio, drowning out the silence. I slipped my sunglasses to block the sun from giving me an even worse headache. Bella saw me do so and started searching her purse.
"Here, take these, they will help you feel better." She said handing me two small red pills. "They're just ibuprofen."
I took them swallowing them quickly. "Thanks." I muttered. "Bella, what the hell happened last night?"
She laughed, "Well, you and Emmett left the bar pretty early, probably around midnight. Rose and I stayed for a little while longer." She said, unable to finish her sentence when I cut her off.
"Wait, a second, so where the hell was Rosalie in all of this?" I asked suddenly nervous.
She laughed, "She went home with a guy she met last night, and I think his name was Jacob something."
I sighed, of course Rose had found someone last night.
Bella continued, "She texted me this morning asking me to let you know that she has all of your stuff and that she will drop it off later."
She continued to tell me that her and Edward had gotten home around four in the morning and had found Emmett and me still very drunk on the living room, wearing nothing but blankets.
"Oh Bella, I am so sorry you had to see that!" I said extremely embarrassed.
She giggled, "No worries plus like I said you were pretty well covered up…Emmett on the other hand."
I smiled. "Thanks Bella. And hey, I know this is probably a lot to ask, but do you think we can keep last night between just you and I?"
She pulled into what I realized was my driveway and put the car into park. She reached out and put her hand atop of mine. "No problem."
She left and soon after Rose showed up at my door step. I had to admit, I was kind of pissed off at Rose. Yes I am 20 years old and should be able to handle myself, but still, I had just gotten out of a relationship with my serious boyfriend and my best friend let me go home with some guy I had just met.
After Rose had left to go back to hanging out with Jacob, I wasted no time searching my phone for any hint of Jasper.
No calls, but there were four texts, one from Rose and three from Maria, his sister, whom I still kept in touch with. I was about to delete it thinking I would just get rid of all of my connections, but I had a feeling I should read it…
Alice, call me.
Weird, so I opened the next one from her.
Alice, I'm not fucking around, its Jasper, call me back.
My stomach sank…what was going on? I found out in the next text.
Jasper was in a car accident, he is in the hospital. I'm on my way there now, just call me as soon as you get this.
Jasper. In a car accident. In the Hospital.
I didn't hesitate as I got into my car and drove to the hospital. I tried calling Maria but she wasn't answering her phone.
Finally I sped into the hospitals parking lot and found the nearest spot possible and it felt like I hadn't even parked my car before I got out.
What had happened? My mind went wild with possibilities and I practically sprinted to the front desk.
"Uhm, I got a message that my boy-I mean friend is here, Jasper Whitlock?"
The nurse shuffled some papers around and then directed me to the fourth floor, the intensive care unit.
When I got to the intensive care unit and into the waiting room, I was greeted by Maria, who was pacing the floor.
"Oh my God, thank God you are here Alice. I am going crazy here!" She said coming up to me pulling me into an embrace. "I didn't know whether or not I could call you and if you would even come. I mean I know that you guys haven't talked much or have you? Oh my I am talking a mile a minute I'm sorry." She said putting her face into her hands and taking a deep breath.
"Maria, what happened?" I asked putting my hands on her shoulders trying to calm her down.
She looked up at me and I got my first glimpse at her. Her eyes were red and puffy and her nose was red and wet. "He was out late last night, some bar I don't know. He had something to drink and then he left around eleven thirty, and got into his car. My fucking dumbass brother got into his car and drove off drunk. We don't know all of the details but he somehow swerved and his car flipped a few times. Some guy saw the whole thing called the cops and then us. They have him in an induced coma because of all of the pain. He has one broken arm, with four broken fingers on that hand. Along with four broken ribs. He has cuts and bruises all over his arms and face and oh Alice, he looks so bad!" She said all in two breaths.
An image of Jackson ran through my mind. It had been the night after we had first had sex and I was laying on my back, and he was beside me on his stomach. His fingers had been trailing up and down my arm while I was blissfully laying there so content and so in love. I looked over and lay on my side, our faces close. He propped his head up into his hand and smirked at me. That grin sent me to heaven and back. I didn't think it could get any better and then he whispered. "I love you so much darlin."
My daydream was interrupted by Maria asking me if I was alright. I looked at her and wiped my wet eyes, "No I'm not. I miss him so much and I made a mistake last night and now he is hurt and broken and I don't know what to do with myself." I said collapsing into a chair.
She sat down next to me and rubbed my shoulder.
"So any news on when he will be ok?" I asked, realizing that was probably a stupid question.
She shrugged, "Right before you came here my parents were called into the room so I am stuck out here waiting to hear what they have to say."
So that is what we did, we sat here and waited. It seemed like forever before I could hear the familiar sounds of Mr. Whitlock's voice coming down the hallway.
I stood up abruptly when they came into view. I hadn't seen them since the breakup and wasn't sure how to handle this situation.
"Alice?" Mrs. Whitlock asked coming towards me quickly and wrapping me up into a hug. "Sweetie, it is so good to see you!" She said breaking away from the hug.
Jasper's parents had always been so nice to me. I felt like I was at home when I sat down in their kitchen for dinner. They treated me like a second daughter, and one of the things I hated about this breakup was realizing I probably wouldn't see them again.
"As soon as I got Maria's texts I came here. I don't want to intrude though." I said realizing how weird this was that I was here.
"Alice, you could never intrude. We love you very much and you deserve to be here. I know Jasper would want you here." She said.
Maria shifted her feet and spoke up, "So what is going on? When are they bringing Jasper out of a coma?"
They explained that they had gotten all of Jasper's vitals to where they needed to be and they would start to bring him out of his coma soon. I sighed in relief.
The next few hours were excruciating and I started to think about why I was here…what would happen when he woke up? I didn't know if I could handle seeing him, especially in a state like this.
Even though I knew she wouldn't care, I let my mom know where I was.
Finally after seven hours of waiting in silence, the doctors came out to let us know that Jasper was indeed waking up. The doctor didn't want anyone in there besides family when Jasper woke up and that meant I would have to wait to see him. Which was fine, but she brought tears to my eyes when Mrs. Whitlock said, "Alice is family."
I let them go in first and waited patiently in the waiting room, texting Rose to let her know what was going on. She said that Emmett had been asking about me, and I breathed a sigh of relief when she said she hadn't given him my number. Regardless of what happened tonight with Jasper, I was not going to go down that road. It was full of reminders of the bad things that had led up to this point. I didn't even know if I should tell him…
"Bella, you want to come in?" Maria said coming to get me about twenty minutes later.
I stood up now self conscious of my appearance. I didn't think that the next time I would see my ex would be when I looked like shit. I hadn't even gotten a chance to take a shower after last night.
Grabbing my purse, I followed her and when we got to the door, my breath hitched. This was it. I was about to see the love of my life.
She opened the door and I was greeted by the sounds of beeping that surrounded the room. His mom was sitting in a chair that had been scooted up to the bed and her hand was covering a very beat up hand lying on top of the covers. His dad was in a chair more towards the corner, and his sister left my side to sit on the edge of his bed. And Jasper was laying on the bed, wires and tubes everywhere. His face was covered in scratches and his eye was bruised. My breath caught in my throat, he looked so broken and there was nothing I could do.
His mom patted a seat next to hers and said, "Here Alice, why don't you have a seat here."
Slowly I walked over to the bed and sat down, taking in his appearance. His dirty blonde hair was pushed back off of his face and his eyes were shut blocking his gorgeous green eyes. I felt a tear escape my eyes and I quickly wiped it away.
I was too lost in the sight of him to notice that suddenly, I was alone in the room. I raised my hand to place it on his and hesitated. What if he woke up? Would he be mad at me for the contact?
Fuck it.
I placed my hand on his cold hand and squeezed it gently. He stirred slightly and I watched his face as his eyes slowly opened.
"Oh thank God, Jasper." I said in a quick breath.
"Alice." He breathed.
"Shhh." I said, not wanting him to waste his strength.
"I'm fine; you have no idea how amazing it is to see you. I am so sorry." He said squeezing my hand.
"I didn't know if you would have wanted me to come but when I got to check my phone this afternoon and I saw Maria's texts, I was here in a heartbeat. I am sorry it took me so long to get here." I said hating myself suddenly. I had selfishly slept with someone and here the love of my life was in a hospital bed.
"Hey, no need to say you're sorry Alice. I shouldn't have been at that bar last night, and then when I saw you with him, I just flipped. It was as though my whole world was crashing down."
Wait, what? "You were at the bar last night?" I asked sitting straight up.
He nodded, "I was out with my friends last night, and I saw you dancing with him. I don't want to know the details, but I lost it. So I drank more and I left. I shouldn't have done that."
It was all my fault for him being in the hospital. If I had just stayed home and wallowed, he wouldn't be here.
"Darlin, don't blame yourself, ok? It was my own fault. But I have to be honest about something." He said.
I nodded, bracing myself. He continued, "I can't stop thinking about you. These last few weeks have been hell, and seeing you at the jewelry store broke me. I love you Alice, and I know it is so selfish of me to say these things to you, but I should have never let you go. I need you, and I can't be without you."
I leaned down fully understanding what he was saying to me. And so I answered, "I love you too." And I brought my lips to his gently.
x.x.x
Jasper was monitored for a few more days in the hospital, mostly to make sure that his brain hadn't suffered any while being in a coma. Luckily, he was fine and went home only with a few bottles of pain medication. His arm was put into a cast and then he had to wear a sling for the first week.I had seen the pictures from the accident and I thanked whoever it was up in heaven that he had escaped with the injuries that he suffered.
The few days in the hospital with him had been oddly amazing. It was as though time hadn't even passed. The time we had spent apart felt like it had been a really long vacation and we were only catching up.
When we arrived at his house after bringing him home from the hospital he asked me to come up to his room with him. Agreeing, I grabbed his suitcase and followed him upstairs.
He shut the door behind him with his good hand, and walked slowly over to his dresser.
"I know this is super forward of me, and I have no idea what you are going to say to this but I think you should see what I have." He said walking over to me, his hand behind his back obviously holding something.
"Alice, as soon as you walked out of that jewelry store I knew I couldn't be without you. So I did something crazy and thankfully not wasteful. I went back in and bought this back." He said producing his hand that held a small black box.
I gasped and suddenly knew what it was. He continued. "I knew this wasn't the end of us. It couldn't be and I knew that someday after the hurt was gone I would fight for you. I love you Alice, and I hope you will accept this promise ring as a promise that I will never leave you again. Darlin, you are mine, and I know we were meant for each other. Will you accept this promise ring?"
He grinned my favorite lopsided grin and I smiled widely back. "Of course. I love you Jasper." I said wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him. He smiled against my lips and pulled away, opening the box and slipping the ring on my right hand ring finger.
"I love you too." He said in almost a whisper.
I smiled, "Times infinity." I giggled.
He took my face in his hands and looked at me seriously, sending chills throughout my body. "Plus two." He said.
And I replied in a way I thought I would never be able to again. "Forever." And I buried myself into him, knowing I would never let him go again.
"And ever."
Well I had originally written this for the one shot soundtrack contest (My song was Our Song by The Spill Canvas)…but I wanted to just post it! This story is kind of sentimental for me. It is in some ways my story…not everything in there actually happened, but the basis did. My story in real life didn't have a happy ending with my ex, but I am on the right track in my life. So here you go…know that this was hard for me to write! Thank you so much Monica for helping me, and beta'ing, I wouldn't have been able to do it without her. She had to endure very long emails from me ;) Anyways, enjoy! Oh and feel free to make fun of the times infinity thing…I do HA!
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